Still giving thanks

Hi everyone. Hope you all had a fantastic weekend

The year is drawing to an end and it has been an emotional rollercoaster with the lows being more than the highs but l’m still alive and relatively healthy. I’ll be celebrating my wedding anniversary in a couple of months and l never thought l wouldn’t have kids after 8 years of marriage. I remember attending a certain Christian festival in East London and listening to a particular testimony from a married couple. They had just had a baby after 8 years of marriage and were recounting the trials and tribulations they went through.  The woman was on rolling around on the stage, crying and praising God. Then, my marriage was about 18 months and l marveled at their strength and endurance thinking l couldn’t never survive that test. Fast forward to now, l still remember that couple and my stupid thoughts.

I have no idea why God would allow me to go through this two fold burden of chronic pain and fertility issues but l know He will never give me more than l can handle. Corinthians 10:13-…”There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that you may be able to bear it”. I thought then that l couldn’t handle nearly 8 years of childlessness but God knows me better. It has been 8 years of horrible pain, frustration, anger, despair, self pity,

and hopelessness. Sometimes I’ve cried myself to sleep so hard that it must have looked like l had a bout with Mike Tyson in the morning; my eyes were that swollen. Sometimes, l wished the world would end while l slept so l wouldn’t have to get up in the morning. There were times when l felt my body couldn’t possibly go through any more pain and yet, the cycle starts all over again. Why exactly would God think l’m so strong to withstand this test ? I have no answers because  His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. However, l have learned to be grateful. In the same 8 years, l’ve had the love and support of a wonderful man; periods of happiness , joy, laughter and the Grace and Blessings of a faithful God

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So l choose to focus on this as the year draws to a close. I will celebrate my anniversary with joy and happiness safe in the knowledge that no matter what , God has promised not to leave me nor forsake me and His Word is true. Thanks for reading.