Endo-a man’s perspective

Hi everyone, it’s Friday!! Yes, it’s the start of the weekend and l hope you all have something fantastic planned.

So all along, we have been talking about endometriosis and how it has affected our lives as women. Today, l would like to focus on how it has affected our men. From experience, this disease is really a couple’s disease. The men have to deal with the mood swings, countless trips to the hospitals, low libido, sleepless nights and just general helplessness on seeing their loved ones suffer from so much pain. I remember an episode when l was just newly diagnosed and a couple of months after my 1st operation. I picked a fight with my hubby over something trivial (he had bought the wrong kind of painkillers!) and he was trying to pacify me by putting his arms around me but l wasn’t having it. I kept pushing him away and crying and he looked at me helplessly, saying “you are not the only one going through this”. My resistance melted and the fight went out of me. Men suffer too.

So, l asked him to write down in detail how this disease has affected his life and this is the summary:

What happened when l heard the news-  My mind went blank; l didn’t understand what it all meant. I think that was my coping mechanism in dealing with the shocking news. Then all sorts of questions flooded my mind- what does this mean for us? How will it change our relationship( we had just recently got married)? How’s she going to handle this and how do l support her? The funny thing was l didn’t even think of children at this point. My thoughts were centered on how we would cope with this shocking discovery. My wife later asked if l thought of leaving her and l told her the thought never entered my mind. We had just got married and we are now one body; for better , for worse.

How the disease changed her- Overtime as the illness got worse and the symptoms became apparent, she became extremely moody and would always push me away . Her Christian life took a massive hit; she almost lost all her faith in God and didn’t trust people. The bubbly girl l fell in love with had almost disappeared before my eyes. She loved to sing and dance to her heart’s content and would always love to have friends around. Instead, l saw someone who was always in pain and didn’t like going out anymore. With counselling and acupuncture now, she’s gradually getting better and her faith in God has been restored.

Relationship with friends and family- lnitially, it was hard to look at friends’ children growing up. These are people l have known for most of my life and l naturally assumed we would raise our families together. However, l have come to put my faith in God hence things have become easier to deal with and l’m very close to all of my close friends’ children. My parents and siblings have been a massive support and l’ve come to rely on them for emotional support when things get too hard.

In the bedroom- l must admit that as a man, l’ve had my share of frustrations in this department because she was diagnosed just after our wedding. Having sexual intimacy with your wife should be a very enjoyable experience but when she’s in pain and pushing you away, it can feel like a rejection. However, the more l learned about the disease, the more l realised that l have to be more understanding and patient. The counselling from church and acupuncture has paid off and things are much more better now.

How the disease changed me- lt has made me realise my strengths( if someone had asked me years ago if l could cope with this kind of situation, the answer would have been NO) and weaknesses. Seeing the one you love go through so much pain makes me feel helpless and powerless and l could never get used to it. This drew me closer to God because it’s the main place l draw my strength from. It has also made me appreciate the little things in life that l used to take for granted- waking up each morning, being healthy, seeing my wife laugh…..

The future-   Looking back these past years, l have come to realise how much l love my wife. We have had other challenges apart from dealing with this disease but this has affected us the most.So right now, l’m taking each day at a time trusting God for our lives. Whatever may lie before us, we’ll face tomorrow together in the knowledge that God will always be there for us.

My hubby wrote a lot more than this(l know l asked for some details but didn’t know he would write an epistle!) but l summarised the main points. So how has it affected your husbands? How did they take the news? How are they coping with the disease?  Please send in your stories. Thanks for reading.

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2 Responses to Endo-a man’s perspective

  1. jcsgrl says:

    Aww you have a good man. When you sign up for marriage you never realize the true meaning of for better or worse until you encounter serious adversity. God is your strength and your testimony will not be cut short

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