Food is comfort

Hi everyone. Before l continue, l would just like to say that this is not a sob story. I’m not expecting a pity party. I just want to write my story and share my experiences with other sufferers out there because no one can really understand no matter how well meaning they are unless they have this condition.

It gets better , you know. Well, l can only speak for myself and it took me 7 years to get to a point where l can talk about it but it does get better.l can now look at pregnant women and say a little prayer for them; l can hold a baby and laugh, not burst into tears. I can even go window shopping for a buggy and plan the colour of the nursery because l dare hope that one day, l will be a mother. Back then in 2007 though, nothing mattered more than comfort food.  l was on painkillers 4 times a day and the pain was crippling- there was a particular night l howled with pain throughout the night and l had to be taken to A n E-, social life was nil( you can imagine how bad that can be for a newly married couple) so food was the only thing l looked forward to. I craved it day and night. I had been quite overweight when growing up but my weight had settled in a size 12/14. However, the diagnosis sent me in a downward spiral and l ballooned to 17 stone, size 20 within 18 months. It got to a point where l couldn’t get into a size 20 Evans (plus size store) pair of trousers. Even then, l couldn’t be bothered and continued stuffing my face. My second operation came and went but l was past caring. This time the cyst was drained through keyhole surgery but my insides were still a mess. This time around, the doctors found adhesions caused by the 1st surgery had stuck to my bowels, bladder and fallopian tubes making things worse. Infact, one of the fallopian tubes had become blocked and my organs were red and inflamed. The endometriosis had become much worse and at this point, l was given Zoladex injections to stop my periods.

I have to say it was a relief not to have periods and pain for a while but l didn’t stop eating. I resumed with gusto devouring everything l could lay my hands on. Everyone noticed my weight gain except me. Well, l did notice it but l just couldn’t be bothered.  I was placed on Zoladex for a few months but afterwards, my periods came back and so did the pain , with a vengeance. A routine scan in 2008 showed another cyst was growing on my left ovary again and it was already about 8 centimetres. It was at this point that my specialist told me that my only chance was IVF and it was a very low chance at that. I left the hospital that day and went straight to Burger King in dire need of high calorie junk food. As l ate, l remembered what he also said; my endometriosis was extremely severe so he wouldn’t want to risk another operation because draining the cyst could further damage my low ovarian reserve so he would rather concentrate on lVF. Yes, and l also needed to lose 4 stone. That didn’t motivate me to lose weight. Infact it took the intervention of my husband and a family friend for me to finally realise my problem.

Thanks for taking time out to read this, everyone. I hope you can share your experiences too. Remember, no matter how horrible you feel right now, it does get better.

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